


Finding the Mistake

by Penndragon27



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I'm kinda mean to him, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Kissing, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Self-Harm, Slight Memory Loss, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Torture, poor lance, well bittersweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12989247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/pseuds/Penndragon27
Summary: When Lance is captured and tortured by the Galrans, he has a difficult time trying to tell dream from reality.





	1. Chapter 1

“Lance!”

“Lance!”

Lance jerked awake, Hunk’s voice still echoing in his mind. But Hunk wasn’t there. No one was. He looked around.

He was in a room. A small room. A dark room. A dirty room. There were bars. It wasn’t a room. It was a cell. He was in jail. Why was he in a jail?

He tried to focus on what happened and it hurt his head, but he pushed through it. There was a battle and Haggar appeared. She was going for Keith, but Lance pushed him out of the way. He was hit with some sort of blast and then…

Nothing. Then he was here. In a cell. Away from the others. But where was he? Probably with the Galra. Did the others know that? Did they think he was dead? Were they looking for him?

He hoped not. It would be a waste of time. Keith could just take back the Red Lion and they would be okay. They shouldn’t waste time searching for him. They should focus on the war. He could manage.

He looked around his cell again. It was made of stone and completely empty. Lance had been stripped of his armor and wearing thin grey clothing that was useless against the chill that seemed to settle into his bones. 

He had to stay calm. He’d seen lots of movies about jail. He knew what to do. He had to keep busy, keep his mind. Try to not lose himself. If he lasted long enough he could escape on his own. There would be an opening, eventually.

He turned to the wall and tried to scratch a line onto it with his fingernail. He scratched until a faint mark appeared and his nail was flat. 

Day 1  
****  
On day two he was still alone. He spent the day going through his family, recalling their names, their faces. He went through his childhood, learning to ride a bike, climbing onto the roof and his neighbors yelling at him, holding his baby sister, then his baby brother.

He wasn’t given any food.  
****  
On the third day Lance was starving. He recalled his mom’s cooking. He recalled Hunk’s cooking. He remembered him and Hunk sneaking into the kitchens at the Garrison. Hunk would try out recipes and Lance would sample. Later on Pidge would sometimes join them. It was fun, it was silly. Lance missed it.

Still no one came.  
****  
On the fourth day Lance was too thirsty to think about hunger. His mouth felt like a desert and he kept worrying his lip until it bled. At least blood made it easier to mark the wall. He spent the day doing through his family again. What colour were Diego’s eyes again? They were blue or green. Maybe grey. Did they change in the light? Why was it so hard? He really wanted water.

He didn’t get any.  
****  
On the fifth day Lance went through the paladins. He could remember them more clearly so he could focus better. This wasn’t saying much considering all he really cared about was water. He kept biting his lip and wondered if vampires were onto something with the whole drinking blood thing. Would that help? He was about to break skin when a square of the floor opened up and a plate appeared. On it was a single slice of bread and a tiny cup of water. It was probably poisoned, but at that point he couldn’t care less. The water was warm and gritty, but it was the most he’d had all week and it was the best think he’d ever tasted. He tried to nibble at the bread, but it just made him sick.  
****  
On the sixth day Lance went through basic facts. He went through the times table, he named as many elements on the periodic table as he could; he tried to recall the lyrics to All the Single Ladies.

He wasn’t given any food and wished he had rationed the water.  
****  
On the seventh day someone came. Two guards opened the door and grabbed Lance. He was so grateful for company he didn’t even struggle. Not that he could, anyway. He was weak from lack of nutrition. 

They dragged him to a room that was blindingly white and smelled like medicine. The brightness made Lance squint for a bit, but when his eyes adjusted he saw he was in some sort of lab. They strapped him down onto a table and left.

He didn’t know how long he waited until the door opened and Haggar came in. Lance jerked against the straps.

“Y-you!” His voice was raspy and quiet from lack of use. “What do you want?”

Haggar smiled. “I hope your time alone has tempered that rebellious spirit a bit. At the very least it will be much harder for you to escape. What have you done to your lip, dear? We’ve barely started and you’re already bleeding.”

She walked towards a cart that was next to him and ran a hand across the tools.

“I haven’t met many humans, but I find them fascinating creatures. I love to study them. Pick them apart and learn what makes them tick.” She grabbed his chin and turned his face to the side, examining him.

“Interesting. You humans are prime candidates.”

“For- for what?”

“Oh, this and that. I have some tools I’m anxious to try out. Humans make the most entertaining sounds. Forgive me if I don’t gag you. Try not to bite off your tongue. I hear it’s your best attribute.”

Lance’s eyes widened. Haggar picked up what looked like a metal rod with a handle, almost like a wand from Harry Potter. Lance tried to fight against his restraints as she placed it into a case that glowed red.

“Why?”

“Well, I was going to grab Keith, considering his Galran blood could make things fascinating. However, I have some toys that only work on lesser species so I’m not too broken up. Besides, either way Voltron is down a paladin. Now, no reason to ruin your shirt. You won’t be getting a new one any time soon.”

She undid his shirt and opened it up, exposing his torso.

“This is always my favourite to start with. The smell… you’ll see.”

She pulled the rod out of the case and it was glowing as red as the box. In fact, it was almost white.

Lance tried fruitlessly to break free as she brought the rod to his chest. He could feel the heat radiating from it and shrunk against the table, trying to put as much distance between him and the rod. It was pointless, and as soon as the metal touched his skin he could think of nothing but the pain. His back arched and it took everything in him not to scream. He would not give her the satisfaction.

Haggar removed the rod and smiled. “Don’t worry, dear. We’ll get you talking in no time. We have lots to do. I’m sure something here will get you to scream.”  
He continued to burn, but he did not scream.  
****  
When Haggar was finished with him he was hastily bandaged up and thrown back into his cell. He was given another cup of water and a slice of bread. He hurt all over, not just his torso. His cheeks and tongues hurt from biting down so as not to scream. His hands hurt from clenching his fists. 

He drank the water, ignoring the coppery taste of blood.  
****  
On and on it went. Some days were torture, some days he was left alone to his thoughts which were rapidly dwindling. The more he tried to focus on home the more it slipped away. He could only think of pain. Of tiredness. Of hunger. Of thirst.

He continued to count and he refused to scream.  
****  
On day 25, Lance was once more strapped down to the table. Haggar was already there, getting ready.

“Hello, young paladin. How are you feeling today?”

“When will you kill me?”

Haggar laughed. “Why would I kill you? You have been so useful for me, being a nice little test subject. I know you weren’t of much use to Voltron so it must be nice for you to know you’re good for something.”

Lance closed his eyes. Voltron. He hoped they were okay. That they had moved on. It was true, he wasn’t of much use. All he could do was hope that they were alive.

“Now, are you ready to scream yet?”

Lance looked over at her, mouth clenched tight.

“Very well. Now seems like the perfect time for a little test. If you do well, I might even give you a reward.”

She held up a long needle and Lance didn’t even try to fight anymore. 

“There’s a good boy. You’re learning.”

She held down his arm as she injected him.

At first he felt nothing except the coldness of the serum coursing through his veins. Then, suddenly, it felt like every one of his molecules were exploding at once while simultaneously being covered in acid. He could barely think as it was so intense and so unending all he could focus on was the blinding pain and the scream ripping itself from his throat.

Utterly defeated, he gave into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

When he came to, Lance was warm. That was strange. The cold hadn’t left him except for that day when Haggar was burning him. This wasn’t burning though. It was comforting, safe. 

He slowly opened his eyes and saw five worried faces looking down at him. They were blurry and Lance tried to focus but it hurt his head. He tried to move but his arms felt like lead.

“Lance! Guys, I think he’s awake!”

Eventually, Lance could see properly and then saw his mom looking down at him, tears in her eyes.

“Oh, mijo! I was so worried.”

She threw her arms around him and he could smell her perfume. Cinnamon. He smiled.

“Mama,” he whispered.

She pulled back and Lance looked around. His whole family was there. His mom, his dad, his brothers and sisters. But where was here?

He tried to move and was slowly able to sit up a bit. He was in a hospital room.

“What happened?”

“Oh, mijo,” his mom was holding his hand tightly, as though afraid he would disappear. He felt he would disappear, as though he were slowly fading. “You were in a car accident. You were on your way home. Do you remember any of it?”

Lance frowned. That wasn’t right. Why was he on his way home? Why was he in a car? Why was he on Earth?

“But what about Haggar? The Galra? Voltron! Are the others okay?”

His family looked at him worriedly. His dad put a hand on his shoulder. “What are you saying, Lance? There was no one else in the car with you.”

“Why am I on Earth? What happened to Keith and the others?”

“Of course you’re on Earth, mijo,” his mother looked so sad. “Who’s Keith? Lisa, go get the doctor. Maybe there’s something wrong with his memories.”

“Keith! I met him at the Garrison! And Hunk and Pidge and Shiro! And what about Allura and Coran? I was taken! They had me! Did I escape?”

Lance struggled to try to get out of bed, panic settling in his chest. His parents held him down.

“Oh, mijo. You didn’t get in to the Garrison, remember?”

Lance froze. “I-I didn’t?”

“Remember, you were rejected and went to school in Havana instead. You were on your way home for the break when you crashed.”

That wasn’t right. “But…I was in space. They-they had me. The torture-”

“Oh, sweetheart. You’re here. On Earth. With us. You’re okay, there’s no torture.”

Lance looked down at his hospital gown. Sure enough, his arms were bare, blank of all the cuts and scars Haggar gave him. He pulled at his collar and looked at his chest. No burns.

This was wrong. This couldn’t be true. He was…home.

Lance slowly relaxed and his parents smiled at him. Was it all just a dream? Hunk, the Garrison, Voltron. Thinking about it, it did seem like a dream. Robot lions, evil aliens, Lance being a hero. It couldn’t be real.

“I’m…home. I’m in Cuba.”

His mom beamed. “Yes, mijo.”

She hugged him again, and then his dad. He hugged his family and felt tears in his eyes. It felt like he hadn’t seen them in years. Little Diego climbed onto his bed, grinning broadly, blue eyes so similar to Lance’s twinkling.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.”

“Me too, munchkin.”

He hugged him and pulled back to wipe the tears from his little brother’s face, his grey eyes shining.

Lance froze. Grey eyes? Weren’t his eyes blue? He looked again and couldn’t focus. What colour were his eyes? They seemed to be changing. Lance jumped out of bed. 

“You’re not my family.”

His mom looked at him, heartbroken.

“Lance, please.”

“No. This isn’t real. This can’t be real. Where am I?”

“Lance. You’re home. Just come with us, we can go back to Varadero. You can visit the beach.”

It sounded so nice, to be at the beach again, to be with his family. Maybe this was a dream, but did he want to wake up?

“No, I can’t. How do I get out? I need to wake up!”

He ran from the room, ignoring the shouts of his family. How could he wake up? He kept pinching his arm, but it did nothing.

He stopped. Of course it did nothing. After all Haggar did to him, what would a small pinch do. He needed a shock, something jarring. He looked around and saw a room with a defibrillator. He ran towards it and turned it on.

“Clear,” he muttered under his breath as he pressed it to his chest.  
****  
Lance was back on the table, Haggar smiling down at him. He was aching all over, any pain he felt before overshadowed by the remnants of whatever that serum had done to him.

“Well done, young paladin. I must say, it’s upsetting you don’t know what colour your brother’s eyes are.”

“What-what was that?”

“Oh, just a little something we’ve been working on. Felt pretty real, hm? How long was it for you? You were only out for about a minute here. After such a lovely scream, I might add.”

Lance felt his face burn in shame. Did this mean they broke him? He had tried to be strong for as long as he could, but honestly, he didn’t want to. He just wanted it to be over.

He was barely aware as the guards led him back to his cell and threw him in. He curled up on the ground and gave in to the sobs racking him. He missed his family. He missed Voltron.

There was a dull clink as his meal appeared on the ground. This time he had a whole mug of water and a bowl of soup. Whether it was his reward for escaping the dream or simply for screaming, Lance didn’t care and he devoured it in seconds.

He forgot to count that night.  
****  
The serum became Haggar’s new favourite game. She would send him into a deep dream after agonizing pain and Lance would have to escape. Sometimes he didn’t want to. Sometimes he was back at the Garrison, sometimes he was back home. He would be surrounded by the people he loved and the torture seemed like a distant nightmare. He wondered if he could stay there; live in this dream world forever.

But then he would find the flaw in the memory and could then find a way to wake himself up, be it electrocution or fire. Haggar would congratulate him and he would be sent to his cell with a better meal.

Still he forgot to count and still he continued to scream.  
****  
Lance was once more thrown back into his cell and after eating his supper he sat in the corner, trying to remember his past. Trying to tell what was real. Trying to remember little details that would help him discern what was a dream.

He was remembering the castle ship as he drifted off.  
****  
He was shaken awake barely an hour later, a voice shouting in his ear. It wasn’t the voice of a guard or Haggar. But it was familiar…

“Lance! Please wake up!”

It was Hunk. Sitting up, Lance saw that hunk was standing over him worriedly while Keith was guarding the door.

“Lance, thank goodness. Come on, we have to get out of here.”

“Is this the dream?”

Hunk looked at him sadly.

“No, bud. We’re here and we need to get you out. Come on!”

Hunk pulled Lance up and half carried him out of the cell. Keith gave him a worried look before following after them.

They met a few guards on the way, but Keith dispatched them easily. Finally, they made it back to their pod and Hunk gently set Lance down in the back.

“It’ll be okay bud, we’ll get you to a healing pod.”

Lance looked at him and squinted, trying to find the mistake in his face.

“You’re eyes are brown.”

“Yes, Lance, as always. Now just rest, buddy.”

Yes, Hunk had brown eyes. That was right. 

Keith looked back at him, frowning, before getting ready to take off.

“Don’t worry, Lance. I’ll be kicking your ass in the training room before you know it.”

They took off and Lance closed his eyes. Was this real? Was he being rescued? He was in his cell. He wasn’t on this table. Haggar hadn’t injected him. Right?

When they arrived back to the castle Hunk and Keith helped him to a healing pod, sealing him in.  
****  
When he was released, everyone was staring at him worriedly. He fell forward and Hunk caught him.

“There ya go, buddy. How you feeling?”

“I’m in the castle.” His voice sounded strange, raspy. He spoke slowly, trying to get used to the feeling.

“Yea, you’re here.”

“I’m free?” It came out as a question.

“Yeah, Lance. You’re free.”

“You’re…real?”

They all looked at him, fear and worry on their faces. Even Keith looked concerned, brow furrowed.

“Of course we’re real,” Keith reached for him and Lance flinched.

Allura stepped forward.

“How about you go rest for a bit. Do you want help to your room?”

“No.”

He turned away and went to his room. It was as he’d left it. The video games, his cosmetics. He squinted, trying to find what was out of place. He couldn’t tell.

“What are you doing?”

Jumping, Lance turned to see Keith in the doorway.

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed out of it.”

“Why do you care?”

Keith looked hurt and stepped into the room. Lance cautiously took a step back.

“As much as you refuse to believe it, I don’t hate you. I…care about you. We all do.”

“You…do?”

“You saved my life. It should’ve been me who was taken.”

Lance nodded slowly and Keith took a step closer.

“I was worried we wouldn’t find you. Or that we would find you and you’d be…”

He trailed off and lifted a hand to Lance’s face. His hand was soft and warm, just like Lance always thought it would be. 

“I was worried I’d never get the chance to tell you how I feel.”

Lance tilted his head and Keith stood on his toes to press a kiss to his lips. Lance froze before closing his eyes and responding. When Keith brushed his tongue against his lips he jerked back.

“No. You can’t!”

Keith looked at him sadly.

“You don’t… like me?”

“I do, you know I do. This must be it! This is the mistake!”

“Mistake, Lance, what do you mean?”

Lance looked around his room frantically. Keith couldn’t like him back. It was impossible. A dream. Spotting the knife Lance kept by his bed, he grabbed it.

“Lance, what are you doing?” Keith’s voice was sharp, warning.

“This isn’t real. You can’t love me.”

“Of course I do! Lance, put the knife down. Come, we can talk to Coran or Allura. It’s okay. Please, Lance.”

Lance pressed the knife to his arm and sliced down.


	3. Chapter 3

Lance was back in his cell, tears drying on his face. It was a dream.

“I’m impressed, young paladin.”

Lance looked up to see Haggar in front of his cell.

“How?” He said weakly.

“You had enough residual serum for another trip. I must admit, I thought you might stay there. I guess it’s too big of a stretch to imagine that he could ever love you back.”  
Lance looked away. Haggar had seen it all. She could see into his mind, his memories, everything.

“That I can, young paladin. Now get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow.”  
She laughed as she left and Lance curled up in the corner of his cell. 

Was this his life now? Forever trying to discern dream from reality. Never knowing where he actually was. Was this cell going to be the only truth he ever knows? How was he supposed to know what was real if Haggar could see all his memories, thoughts, and feelings?

There had to be something she couldn’t see. Something he could protect from her, some way to know what was real.

“She must really hate you.”

Lance looked up, but saw no one.

“Who’s there?”

“I’m in the next cell over. Name’s Gonzo.”

“Lance.”

“What are you in for?”

“I’m- I was a paladin of Voltron.”

“Well, that sucks for you.”

Lance almost smiled, but it had been so long his face couldn’t remember how.

“That’s a new one. Most people are either in awe or fear. Or try to kill us.”

“I suppose, but it can’t be easy. Away from, home, always avoiding danger. You’re probably not going to get off easy here, as demonstrated.”

“I suppose. What about you?”

“Ah, illegal smuggling. The usual.”

“Are you- are you real?”

“Wow, she really did a number on you. I think so. Don’t know why she’d make you imagine a smuggler in the next cell.”

“Yea…”

“Besides, didn’t she say there was only enough for one last trip? That whatever she gave you has probably worn off by now.”

“I don’t even know if that’s real. She’s seen my mind. I can keep no secrets from her.”

“That’s rough. I just get to sit here and think about what I’ve done. Sometimes the guards will kick me if they get bored.”

“Must be nice.”

“Living the life of luxury over here.”

Lance felt at rest for once and lay down in his cell, the familiar coldness seeping into his back.

“You ever think about escape, Gonzo?”

“Yea, but I doubt it. Don’t really have much on the outside. Just-”

“Stop. Don’t tell me about your life. I don’t want it in my mind. She’ll find it. She’ll use it.”

“Sure, kid. Whatever works. You got anyone on the outside?”

“Maybe. If they know what’s good for them they’ve moved on with their lives.”

“Maybe. But usually the ones we love have a hard time moving on.”

“I suppose.”

Lance closed his eyes and drifted off into a fitful sleep.  
****  
The next morning, Lance woke up to the guards carrying him out again. As he was dragged down the hallway, he heard a faint voice say “Good luck, Lance.” Gonzo.

He was strapped down to the table once more and once more Haggar stood over him.

“What shall we do today, young paladin? Although, I suppose you’re not really a paladin anymore, are you?”

She laughed and turned to her cart of torture.

“I have a lovely surprise for you. A reward for doing so well yesterday.”

Smiling, she held up a prosthetic arm. It was similar to Shiro’s, but seemed more high tech. It was sleeker, silver, but almost lifelike aside from the faint purple glowing around the edge where it would meet an elbow and around the fingers.

“All that time you spent jealous of Shiro and his talent, now you can exceed him. He was only great because of his special arm, right? Maybe if you had one too, a better arm, you could be better than him.”

“No…” Lance could barely fight as she tied a tourniquet just above his right elbow. “Please…”

Haggar just smiled as she took out a saw.

“Feel free to scream.”

And he did.  
****  
When she was finished, Lance was barely conscious. He felt guards pick him up, he felt their hands on him as they carried him down the hall back to his cell. His arm hurt. It was heavier because of the added weight and he could feel where metal met flesh because of the never ending pain.

Suddenly, he was dropped to the ground. He couldn’t be at his cell yet, there were more steps. Opening his eyes blearily, he saw that the guards were knocked out.

“Lance! Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

Lance looked up and saw Shiro looking down at him. He groaned. He was too tired for another dream.

“Lance? Oh god, your arm. Come on, we’re here. We’re gonna get you out of here. It’ll be okay, you’re going to be okay.”

Lance was in so much pain as Shiro hoisted him up by his uninjured (recently, at least) side. He was dragged out of the hall and looked back drowsily.

“Gonzo,” he murmured before passing out.


	4. Chapter 4

When he came to he was falling out of a healing pod. Once more, he found himself surrounded by his friends, all looking at him worriedly. He felt sick. Hunk was holding him up and Lance pushed him away. Steadying himself, he looked around, trying to find the flaw.

“You’re not real.”

“Lance,” Allura began, but Lance shook his head.

“No! I’m sick of this game! Where’s the mistake? Where is it? I just want it to be over!”

They all looked a little scared of him. Pidge and Hunk had their mouths open in horror, Allura seemed calm but there was visible panic in her eyes, Shiro looked as if he wanted to reach out to Lance, Coran kept his eyes on a tablet, furiously going through data, and Keith. 

Keith looked a mix of scared, worried, and angry.

“Lance, please.”

“Where is the mistake? I need to wake up! I want to go back.”

“Lance. This is real. We’re here. We rescued you. We know it took a while and we’re sorry,” Allura did look sorry. And her eyes were blue.

“I need to think. Blue eyes,” he pointed to Allura. “Brown eyes,” to Hunk. “Brown eyes,” to Pidge. “Grey,” to Shiro. He turned to Keith and looked into his eyes. They were a bluish grey.

“Blue eyes? Grey eyes? Both? Neither? Is that the mistake?”

“My eyes change in the light, Lance what’s wrong?”

Keith reached for him and Lance flinched. It was just like last time.

“Lance,” Allura stepped forward and Lance’s eyes widened. “We’re here. We’re real. We saved you.”

“No, you have to move on. Keith can pilot Red. You can form Voltron. You moved on. I’m in cell. You guys are safe. I’m dreaming. This is Haggar again. I just need to find the mistake!”

“What do you mean? Mistake?” 

Lance looked at Shiro. “The flaw. I need to figure out what’s wrong so I can wake up. I need to go back. I just want- I want to wake up. I want my cell. I want the truth. I need the truth.”

They all looked so scared and so sad and Lance couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

“Lance,” Allura put a hand on his shoulder. “How about you get some sleep. If this is a dream then you’ll wake up back in your cell. When you wake up still here you’ll see that this is real.”

“But- but I can’t leave until I find the mistake.”

“You can find it tomorrow. For now, rest. How’s your-“ Her voice broke. “How’s your arm feeling?”

He looked down at his arm. The cryo suit covered most of it, but he could see the faint glow near his elbow. He move the fingers carefully. It functioned like a hand. It looked the same as when Haggar attached it.

“It’s the same. There’s nothing wrong with it.” He sounded disappointed.

Allura smiled hesitantly. “Well, let us know if it starts hurting again. Keith, can you take Lance to his room?”

Keith nodded and took Lance’s good arm to lead him down the hallway.

When they reached Lance’s room, Keith paused.

“Do you…uh…do you need any help?”

Lance looked at him sharply.

“Why?”

“I just meant, if your-your arm was still bothering you and you needed help getting ready for bed or something…”

“Why do you care?”

Keith frowned and stepped into the room. Lance took a step back.

“We all care about you. We were-we were so worried about you. It should’ve been me and you-you pushed me out of the way and-”

Keith was starting to tear up. It was so similar to last time. Was this the mistake? One way to find out…

“But you hate me.”

Keith let out a dry laugh. “I never hated you Lance. I-I care about you. I was so worried I’d never find you, never get to tell you-”

“How you feel about me?”

Keith’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink.

“You-you knew?”

Lance gave a small smile, stretching muscles that haven’t been used in months.

“You love me.”

Keith’s face turned redder and he crossed his arms. “And you don’t feel the same way?”

Lance relaxed. He found the mistake.

“Of course I do, you know I do.”

Keith’s eyes brightened and he moved towards him, but Lance turned to grab the knife by his bed.

“Honestly, Haggar. The same mistake twice in a row. You’re getting sloppy.”

“Mistake? Lance, what do you mean? Put the knife down.”

Keith held up his hands defensively, eyes wide with fear.

“I can wake up now.”

“Lance, you’re not dreaming. This is real. I’m real.”

“Nice try, Haggar. I already know Keith doesn’t love me back. I know this isn’t real.”

Keith cried out and Lance plunged the blade into his stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

Keith watched in fear as Lance stabbed himself and quickly pressed the alarm button by the door before running to Lance.

“Lance, Lance. What did you do?”

“I need to wake up.”

“You are awake. You’re real. I’m real. Please, Lance. Don’t leave me.”

His eyes were so calm, as though bleeding from his stomach was perfectly normal. Good, even.

Keith quickly shrugged off his jacket and tied it around the wound, trying to stop the blood. He carefully picked him up to carry him to the healing pods, trying not to jostle him too much.

Was Lance really so sure that none of this was real? What happened to him with the Galra? He was so thin, his face so tired. When Shiro and Hunk brought him back in those tattered grey clothes, he looked like a ghost. Pale and tired, his arm still covered in blood as though it were just attached. There were cuts all over him as well as burn marks that seemed to cover his torso. He had bags under his eyes and he was so cold, like ice.

When he had come out of the healing pod, Keith hoped everything would be okay. That Lance would crack a joke and things would go back to normal. Instead he had rambled like a madman about mistakes and eye colours. It was as though he couldn’t tell dream from reality.

And he loved him. Lance loved him back and thought that Keith’s love was some cruel joke by the Galra. That Keith could never love him. 

Keith was full on crying when he reached the infirmary and put Lance back into the healing pod Coran had prepared once he heard the alarm. Allura and Shiro were also there, looking at him worriedly.

“What happened?” Shiro asked, putting an arm around him.

“Lance- he-he thought it was a mistake. Thought it was fake. He-he-”

Keith broke off and cried into Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro gently pet his back, whispering comforting words to him until he calmed down enough to speak.

“What happened, Keith?” 

“I- I told him that we cared about him. He asked why I cared. I think- I mean, he looked like this was all familiar to him. He asked if I- if I loved him,” he felt his face heat up and Shiro nodded at him to continue, already aware of his feelings. “I said I did and it looked like- like I confirmed something for him. He said Haggar was using the same mistake twice. He said I could- I could never love him back and that now he could wake up and he- he stabbed himself.”

Keith took a deep breath, trying to fight the tears that threatened to return.

“Same mistake twice? So Lance has had to find mistakes in what I’m assuming were alternate realities.” Allura walked over to the computer next to Coran and began conversing with him quietly.

Keith looked up at Shiro. “Alternate realities?”

“I think Haggar mutilated more than his body. She must have given him something to hallucinate us saving him before and he probably hurt himself to wake up.”

Shiro had a distant look in his eyes, as though he were remembering his past. Keith swallowed.

“He-he said he was sick of this game.”

“I’m guessing she did this a lot.”

Keith sat down on the step in front of Lance’s pod, dizzy.

“If-if she kept doing this, how will Lance know that this is real?”

Shiro sighed. “I don’t know. We just have to hope if he’s here long enough he’ll realize there’s nothing to wake up from.”

“What if he finds another mistake?”

“We’ll have to keep a close eye on him.”

“He-he thought that the mistake was me loving him. He said that it happened before, that it was the same mistake.”

“I know. Hopefully you can convince him that that’s real too.”

Keith leaned back against the pod, feeling defeated. Lance really thought it was impossible for Keith to love him. He stabbed himself because of it. How could he show him how loved he was? How much he meant to Keith?  
****  
When Lance was finally released from the healing pod, Keith was there to catch him. Only him and Shiro were there to greet him so as not to overwhelm him. Keith held him tightly.

“Lance.”

Lance slowly blinked his eyes open, taking in his surroundings. He frowned.

“I’m not awake.”

“You are. You- you almost died.”

Lance turned to Keith and quickly stepped away, swaying a bit from the lack of support.

“But-but I found the mistake.”

Shiro carefully put a hand on his shoulder.

“There is no mistake. This is real. I am real. Keith is real. His feelings are real. You al-almost dying is real.” Shiro’s voice cracked and Lance looked at him, confused.

“But you weren’t supposed to save me.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not a paladin anymore. Keith can take back Red and you can form Voltron. You don’t need me.”

Keith wanted to hug him, tell him how needed he was, but didn’t want to overwhelm him. Shiro responded instead.

“Of course we need you, Lance. You’re our friend. We all care about you. We weren’t the same without you. We wanted you back. We needed you back.”

“I’m here.”

“Yes.”

“I was rescued.”

“Yes.”

“Keith loves me.”

“Yes,” Keith said, cutting Shiro off. 

Lance snapped his eyes over to him wide and hopeful.

“This is real?”

“Yes, Lance. Please.”

“But, if I don’t find the mistake she’ll hurt me.”

“There is no mistake, Lance,” Shiro said. “You are safe.”

“I’m…safe.”

He looked unconvinced, but he also looked tired, like he couldn’t fight anymore. Keith took his good hand.

“Let’s take you to your room.”

Lance looked down at his hand, confused.

“Your hand is rough.”

Keith blushed. “What of it?”

“Last time… in the dream, it was soft. I always thought it would be soft.”

“Well, this is reality so not everything will be as you expected it to be.” 

Keith led Lance down the hall, trying not to think about how Lance wondered what his hands would feel like.

“Maybe that was mistake before…”

Keith looked up. “Huh?”

“Last time. I thought the mistake was you loving me back. Maybe it was that your hands were soft.”

Keith blushed and soon they were back in Lance’s room. The blood had been cleaned up and the blade was removed along with other sharp objects.

Lance went to the bathroom to shower and Keith sat on the bed, unwilling to leave Lance alone after what just happened. Even sitting in the next room, Keith listened carefully for any sign that Lance was hurting himself. 

Every time he closed his eyes all he saw was Lance claiming Keith could never love him, Lance stabbing himself, Lance bleeding, Lance dying…

Keith was pulled from his thoughts when Lance came out, towel wrapped around his waist. Keith’s mouth opened in shock at seeing him up close.

His chest and stomach had shiny burns scattered across it, his arms were covered in scars, as though someone slashed across them. Then there was where his arm met the prosthetic, scarred and still slightly red. Worse still was the look in his eyes. That panic and fear as he looked closely at the room, trying to figure out what was wrong.

He examined everything had he pulled on some sweatpants, Keith looking away, blushing, and sat on the bed beside him. He put his face in his hands and Keith tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, surprisingly cold. Keith thought Lance would want a hot shower but he didn’t seem bothered. His hair had grown out while he was away and it was starting to curl as it dried, revealing its true form without all of Lance’s product.

“This is real,” he murmured, startling Keith.

“Yes, Lance.”

“You’re real.”

“Yes,” he gently rubbed circles into his shoulder, carefully avoiding a mark there that looked like he’d been executed.

‘You…love me?”

Keith smiled softly. “I do. I really do.”

“Since when?”

Lance looked up at him hopefully. He seemed to be begging with his eyes for an explanation, for information, for concrete facts that this was all real.

“Well, after our bonding moment that you so kindly forgot about, I realized I was really upset you didn’t remember. I wanted you to remember, to feel the same way. That’s when I started feeling not so platonic feelings towards you. I didn’t realize it was love until your support when I became the Black Paladin. I knew I needed you, that I couldn’t have done it without you. That I couldn’t go on without you.”

Lance nodded silently, eyes a mix of emotions.

“Will you-will you stay here tonight?”

Keith smiled. “Of course.”

Lance smiled a bit, looking as though it hurt him. He lay down, pulling Keith with him so he was nestled into his side.

“Do you want to get under the covers? You must be cold.”

Lance frowned. “I don’t really…get cold anymore. Everything here is warmer than the cell.”

Keith looked at him sadly and lifted Lance’s arm so he could place it around him, kissing the back of his hand and keeping their hands clasped.

“Do you…do you want to talk about it?”

Lance sighed and played with Keith’s fingers. 

“I don’t know.”

“It might help. You know, go over details, see what’s real.”

Lance pressed his face into Keith’s hair, inhaling deeply. Keith shivered.

“It was cold. And dark. I was in the cell five days before they fed me. I was still counting then.”

“When did you stop?”

“After the first dose of that serum. The one that- that made me hallucinate.”

Keith brought their hands to his lips again, kissing Lance’s hand softly, encouragingly as he went on.

“First it was standard torture. The burns, the cuts, electrocution. She wanted me to-to scream. She said she-she liked the sounds that humans made.”

His voice broke and Keith tilted his head up to press a kiss underneath his jaw. It was slightly rough, Lance hadn’t shaved yet. They probably took away his razor.

“You can stop if you want.”

“No, you were right. I need to say it. Saying it…makes it real.”

Keith hummed against his skin as he kissed down his neck, trying to calm him down. Trying to make him relax. Make him feel safe. He stopped at his collar bone, nibbling there for a while as Lance continued. 

“I refused to scream. I felt like that would mean her winning. I didn’t want her to break me.”

Keith pulled back and sat up a bit to look into Lance’s eyes.

“You-you didn’t scream? While she was hurting you, burning you?”

Lance shook his head slowly and looked down.

“I did scream though, eventually. It was day twenty-five. The first time she used the serum. She broke me.”

“Still, you lasted so long. I would’ve broken on the first day.”

Lance smiled softly and Keith leaned down to kiss him, properly, finally. It was gentle and sweet and Lance soon responded. Lance tasted like mint and tears and so Keith kept kissing him until the tears went away, until all he could taste was Lance.

When he pulled back, Lance was looking at him almost in wonder. Keith smiled.

“Real enough for you?”

Lance pushed up and flipped them over, reattaching their lips. Keith wrapped his arms around him, scratching lightly at his back. Lance moved his lips down to his neck, his stubble scraping him deliciously. He knew he would have marks all over in the morning, but at that moment he didn’t care. Lance was home, Lance was safe, Lance loved him. He let out a moan when Lance sucked at a spot just below his ear and wrapped his legs around his waist. Lance was grinding down, trying to get some friction and Keith let out another moan. Then Lance pulled away.

Keith chased after him with his lips, but stopped at the serious look in Lance’s eyes. It was probably best they didn’t go too far on Lance’s first night back; especially after all he’d been through. Keith pressed one last kiss to Lance’s chest before removing his legs and trying to will away the hardness in his pants. 

Lance looked at him with so much love in his eyes and said, “This is real.”

And for the first time, he looked like he almost believed it.


	6. Chapter 6

When Lance woke up, it was with a mouthful of hair. Coughing a bit, he sat up to see he was still on the castle ship and he was still in his room and Keith was still there, asleep next to him. He was still here, in this reality or dream or whatever it was. Last night it had felt real. Holding Keith, kissing him. It was more than anything he had imagined. 

It still seemed too good to be true. Was he really able to be on the castle ship, able to be with his friends, be with Keith?

He glanced at the clock Pidge had set up for them in order to have some semblance of time in space. It was the middle of the night. He had slept four hours, more than he’d had since before he was captured. He felt wide awake, buzzed, antsy. 

He got up and pulled on a shirt, glancing at his reflection. He wasn’t as skinny as he thought he’d be, mainly due to the extra meals he’d been given as a reward after the hallucinations, but he’ still lost a lot of weight. His arm didn’t hurt anymore, fully healed from the pod. He still had the scars and burns, but the pain was gone. It was strange. He wasn’t used to not being in pain. It felt almost…wrong. Like he was incomplete.

With one last glance at Keith, Lance left his room and made his way to the training deck. He jumped at every movement, looking for some hint to this being a dream. As real as it felt with Keith, Lance knew better than to give in. While this might be real, it could also be a dream and might wake up back in his cell or on the table and Haggar would punish him for not figuring it out. 

He rubbed his shoulder, remembering how Haggar had woken him up for giving in to a hallucination where he was back at the Garrison. It had seemed so real and he had felt so safe. And then he was jolted awake as Haggar electrocuted him. He learned not to be so trusting.

Once at the training deck, Lance picked out a sword and turned the simulation on to level one. He hadn’t trained for however long he was captured and needed to get back in shape to help the team. Unless this was a dream, in which case maybe he’d find a mistake and be able to wake up.

The fight wasn’t too difficult and Lance was able to work his way up to level five before the sequence suddenly ended. He turned around to see Shiro walking towards him.

“Put the sword down, Lance. We don’t want a repeat of yesterday.”

Lance cautiously set the blade down and sat down on the mat, covered in sweat and arm tingling in a slight pain that made him feel like himself again.

“I had a feeling you might come here. Seemed unlikely you’d sleep through the night. Was it nightmares?”

Shiro sat next to him and Lance frowned, not understanding what was happening.

“No. Just, not used to this much sleep.”

“How much sleep do you normally get?”

“An hour, sometimes two.”

Lance looked at Shiro carefully, waiting for him to slip up, make a mistake, let Lance wake up.

“How’s your arm?”

“Fine.”

Shiro gave him a look that said he didn’t believe him and Lance furrowed his eyebrows. Was this part of the dream? What was the point of this conversation? Was it a test? 

“I guess the Galra have a thing for removing limbs, huh?”

“They wanted it to match yours.”

Shiro actually looked surprised at this. “What?”

“Haggar could read my mind, which is how she built the hallucinations. She saw how I always wanted to be like you, she thought this would help.”

“You…wanted to be like me?”

“Well, yeah. You were a great pilot and then a great leader. Of course I would look up to you.”

“Oh,” Shiro blushed, looking uncomfortable. “But, you know. I’m also your friend. You can talk to me if you want. About what happened or…anything.”

“I already talked to Keith.”

Shiro raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Yea, he came to my room with me. I told him about some of the torture. We fell asleep.”

“I see. Did you talk about the…hallucinations?”

“No.”

“Do you want to?”

Lance looked at Shiro, still confused. “Why?”

“I don’t know, maybe you want to talk about it or…”

“No, why are you asking? Why do you care?”

“Well, I care about you, Lance. And I know what’s like to have to… adjust. I still sometimes wake up thinking I’m back…there. I can only imagine how much worse it is for you.”

“You’re not supposed to care. This is all wrong!”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t get it? What’s the point of this conversation? Is it a test? Are we supposed to fight to see whether the arm makes me better than you? Is the mistake that you care? Is there even a mistake? Am I trapped in this dream forever until she electrocutes me again? Or is it real? I don’t know anymore!”

Lance put his face in his hands, tugging at his hair. Shiro put a hand on his back.

“Oh, Lance. I wish there was something I could do to prove this is real. The only point of this conversation is to let you know that we’re all here for you. There’s no test, no mistake. You really are safe.”

“But I can’t know that for sure.”

“Lance, you nearly died yesterday. Wasn’t that real? Wouldn’t you have woken up in your cell if it wasn’t?”

Lance nodded slowly. That made sense, he supposed. He’d never been able to die in the hallucinations before. 

“I know it’s rough, but eventually you’ll see there’s nothing to wake up from. You really are here.”

Lance nodded again.

“Hey, Lance?”

“Hm?”

“When we rescued you, you said something. Gonzo?”

Lance looked at Shiro.

“Gonzo.”

“Yeah, right before you passed out. You looked back at the cells…”

“He was…someone.” Lance couldn’t remember. “I think he was in a dream. I’m not sure. I can’t…I can’t remember.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure it’ll come back to you.”

Lance nodded, but he felt that panic again.

“My clothes…from being captured. Were they thrown out?”

“Your clothes? Uh, I don’t know. Coran might have them to try to run some tests, but they might be gone.”

“I need to find them.”

“Lance, it’s the middle of the night, everyone’s asleep.”

“I need to find them, before their gone.”

Lance stood up and headed toward the door. Shiro grabbed his wrist.

“Lance, they’re just rags. You can worry about this in the morning.”

“I need to find them,” he repeated.

“Why?”

“Because…I need to.”

“Lance, be reasonable. Nothing will happen. Everyone is asleep and can’t do anything. You are clearly sleep deprived and exhausted. And what happens when Keith wakes up and finds you gone? He watched you stab yourself earlier, he doesn’t need more panic.”

It all made sense, but the need to find his clothes was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. Reluctantly, he let Shiro take him to his room and let Shiro lock the door with a promise to get him in the morning. He turned to the bed to see Keith sitting up, eyes wide in fear. 

He quickly went to the bed and sat next to him.

“I’m here, Keith. I’m here, love.”

“Where did you go?” Keith frowned and scrunched his nose. “And why do you stink?”

“I went to the training deck for a bit. Need to make up for my time off and get used to the arm.”

Keith nodded slowly and Lance tried to sit still, tried to ignore the nagging in the back of his mind.

“Lance? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know!” 

Keith shrank back as Lance stood up and started pacing.

“I need to figure this out. I think I’m missing memories. Is that part of the test? Is that the mistake? The first time it was because of missing memories. I forgot what colour my brother’s eyes were. I forgot. But you’re so real and I don’t understand the point of Shiro caring about me, that can’t be part of the test. Can it?”

He turned on Keith, who looked close to tears.

“I don’t know Lance. Oh, I’m so sorry. It should’ve been me. If you hadn’t pushed me out of the way-”

“No, Keith, no.” Lance went back to the bed and took Keith’s face in his hands. He stroked his hair and peppered his face with kisses. “Nothing can happen to you. You’re the most real thing here. You make me feel real. Make me feel sane. Haggar used that against me, but now it’s my saving grace. You, Keith can save me. Being with you is the most awake I’ve felt in…forever.”

Keith smiled at him through tears, a hint of fear still in his eyes at Lance’s ramblings. He probably sounded mad, didn’t he? He was scaring Keith. His dear, sweet, Keith. Keith who loved him. Keith who cared. Keith who he held to sleep last night. Keith who’s kisses spread a warmth through him that banished any memory of cold.

“I’m sorry, Keith. I’m sorry. I just need to remember what I’ve forgotten and then I’ll be okay. I can be what you want me to be. I can be here for you. I can figure out what is real.”  
“Oh, Lance. This is real. I am real. What happened to you?”

Lance gave a dry laugh. “I’ll tell you all about it in the morning, when I remember. Go to sleep, sweetie. Go to sleep. It’ll be fine in the morning.”

Keith still looked frightened, but Lance held him and stroked his hair until he fell back asleep. Then he pressed a kiss to his forehead and got up again, still not tired. He paced the floor till morning, occasionally glancing at Keith’s sleeping form.

When Shiro came to get him, he raced out the door and up to the lab, where Coran was.

“Coran! My clothes! I need my clothes, from the cell.”

“You’re clothes? Why on earth would you need those?”

“Please, Coran, please.”

“I’m afraid I no longer have them. They were just rags when you came back, barely anything to throw out.”

“What?”

Coran looked at him sadly as the door opened behind him and Shiro and Keith ran in, looking at him worriedly.

“Lance,” Keith asked quietly, looking at his face warily.

“They’re gone.”

Lance fell to his knees, trying to comprehend what on earth was going on. Why did he need his clothes? What was he forgetting? Was this the mistake? Should he try to wake up? 

But if this was reality he could die. And Keith… he couldn’t do that to him. Was he supposed to just live this life, never knowing the truth, until he was either electrocuted awake or simply died here.

Was this his reality? Living a life of eternal uncertainty?

Lance screamed.


	7. Chapter 7

Keith was worried about Lance. He didn’t know what was so important about the rags he used to wear, but Lance had looked broken when he found out they were gone. After that, Lance spent every day in routine. He’d train constantly, only breaking out of necessity and for food. 

Keith had had to reclaim Red while Lance was gone and this Lance was so different he couldn’t renew the connection, so Lance would either help Coran or provide ground support, his new training regime making him a useful force. At night, Lance would curl up with Keith and they’d cry or kiss to sleep and when Keith would wake up Lance would be gone, off to train.

About a month in, Keith had challenged Lance to a fight during training and lost to him for the first time. Lance had then challenged Shiro and beat him too, his new arm easily overpowering Shiro’s.

He had gained back all the weight he had lost while captured and then some, all muscle. Keith might’ve found it hot (well, he did find it hot) if not for the constant pain in his eyes. He refused to talk about his time captured and the only time he looked remotely like himself was with Keith as they kissed and talked about nothing.

Keith was watching as Lance was training shirtless, trying not to drool, when Allura’s voice came on the intercom, calling them all to the control room.

Lance pulled on a shirt and went with Keith up to where the others were waiting.

“Lance, we’ve received a request to enter this ship from someone who claims to know you. A Gonzo?”

Lance’s eyes widened, as well as Shiro’s.

“That’s the name you said, before you passed out.”

Lance whirled on Allura. “Him, he’s who I forgot. I need to see him!”

Keith grabbed his hand and pulled him back a bit as Allura opened the hatch. Soon the door to the control room opened and in walked a tall blue alien wearing the same grey rags Lance had when they rescued him. His hands only had two fingers and his eyes were wide with purple irises. 

“Lance!”

His voice was smooth, cool. It made Keith feel tingly and somehow made him taste pineapple.

“G-Gonzo?”

“It’s so good to see you! I finally managed to escape the prison and hoped I could stay here for a while, try to find my family. I also wanted to make sure things worked out with the button.”

Lance looked at Gonzo in confusion, as did the rest of them.

“B-button?”

“Well, that explains all the lost looks. The button that was on your old clothes. Do you still have them?”

Keith was really eager to learn the importance of Lance’s rags.

“Sorry, sir,” Coran spoke nervously. “I, er, disposed of them upon rescuing Lance.”

Gonzo looked at him angrily, yet his voice stayed the same. 

“You threw them out? Do you know nothing of prisoners? Our clothes are the only place we can hide something and keep it with us.”

Lance stepped away from Keith and walked towards Gonzo.

“My memories. You have them?”

“Oh, Lance. I’m so sorry it has been so long. Your clothes were the only place I could put the pin but, anyhow. I’m here now and I can help. Close your eyes.”

Lance did as he asked and Gonzo pressed a finger to his forehead. Lance promptly collapsed. Keith rushed at the alien.

“What did you do to him?”

“Don’t worry, my dear boy. Just a bit of shock. He’ll be right as rain and then some once he awakes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly help him identify reality with Haggar rooting around in his mind. Being a Tallian, I have the ability to erase memories or hide for a while. I hoped that once he escaped and remembered it would help convince him that this is reality.”

Shiro looked at him warily. “You… knew about his hallucinations?”

“Knew? I was in the cell next to him. I was down the hall from the lab. He had been there for two weeks when I arrived and I heard him refuse to scream as he was tortured. When he finally did, the first time the serum was used; it was the most broken sound I’ve ever heard. I wanted to speak to him so many times, but he was so out of it he never heard me.   
Not until the time he woke up in his cell from a hallucination. It was the first time Haggar could send him away without injecting him. He dreamed about you guys, about you guys saving him. Kept calling for Hunk or Keith or whoever.”

Keith sat on the ground and pulled Lance’s head onto his lap. He stroked his neatly trimmed hair, watched his face at peace for once.

“He… didn’t scream?” Shiro asked quietly. Keith jumped as he realized he was the only one who knew that.

“Not for a month. Haggar took a sick pleasure in it so he refused to give her the satisfaction. That serum though, it hurts. Gives a pain so great you go out, dream up a better place. Only way out is through more pain. And since everything seems like nothing compared to the pain of the serum, it takes a lot. Electrocution or fire-“

“Or stabbing yourself,” Keith whispered.

“Or that.”

Keith looked up. “Did you get the serum?”

“Once, yes. Not enough to lose sense of reality, but enough to know what it’s like. Managed to escape before she could use it again. God, it’s awful. And she loved to use on Lance. Liked to make a game out of it. She’d put little mistakes in it and would only let him wake up when he found it.”

Keith looked back at Lance and pressed a kiss to his forehead. It should’ve been him. Stupid Lance and his need to save people, need to save Keith. It just made Keith love him more, made him more heartbroken when he was lost.

Suddenly, Lance’s eyelids fluttered and his eyes opened. Keith smiled softly at him through his tears.

“Keith.”

“Lance! Are you okay?”

“I-I remember.”  
****  
Lance remembered. He remembered talking to Gonzo, that short conversation before he was taken to get his arm ripped off. But there was another memory. One of just Gonzo talking.

“Lance, I need to make this quick. I need you to understand that this is reality. Haggar can’t have invented me because you won’t remember me. In fact, you won’t even remember I exist. That’ll make it quite difficult for you to imagine me up. I’m working on a plan to escape, but I want you to know that I’m a Tallian and I have a wife and son back home. If you can find them and let them know I’m okay and I’m trying to get home, I’d appreciate it. Now, I need to hide this memory from Haggar, but I’ve bribed a guard to replace a button with this pin. Prick yourself and you’ll get your memories back. When someone mentions my name, all you’ll know is that you have to find your clothes. When you find your clothes, all you’ll know is that you have to prick yourself with the pin. Best of luck to you, Lance, and I hope we see each other soon.”

Lance sat up and looked at Gonzo.

“You have to be real.”

“Well, I damn well better be else I’ll be super pissed at your imagination.”

Lance smiled and turned to Keith. He pressed a kiss to him. It felt real. While he still doubted, he felt different. Like he could let himself live this life. There were so many things beyond his imagination, they couldn’t be false.

“Thank you, Gonzo. It… helped.”

“Of course. I’m just glad you made it out alive.”

“You too. I hope we can help you find your family.”

“Thank you. Now, Lance, I know that this is still a struggle and if you want I can erase the memories of your imprisonment.”

Lance froze. “Thank you, but I don’t like the feeling of missing memories. It hurts. And… it made me who I am. Those memories…they’re a part of me now.”

“Of course. Let me know if you ever change your mind.”

Lance smiled and looked at Keith.

“This is real. You are real.”

And for once, he actually believed it.


End file.
